Today while having a conversation with a team mate (let's call him donkey), a stupid fuck (let's call him Shrek)suddenly was part of the conversation just because he's friends with donkey. Shrek has always been "mayabang". Sure, he's willing to help when asked with questions about faxes which is of course not new to him coz he's been doing this for a year now I guess.There are times when we joke around, and talk about random things, but that DOESN'T MAKE US FRIENDS so he DOESN'T have the fucking right to humiliate me ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Wait, I think I am his friend when he need to ask for food. FAIR WEATHER FRIEND. Back to the story, I told Donkey that he entered the date incorrectly and then Donkey said in an "insulting" voice "di ikaw ang gumawa, kaw na mag cgx" then donkey responded, and I responded then donkey and finally Shrek responded "ginagalit mo si Ms Angola". Shrek called me "MS. ANGOLA" that made the team LOL. Being compared to Ms Angola is actually not offensive, I mean, Ms Angola is gorgeous, it's just that he insulted me multiple times and all the time it's always about my complexion, So I responded and told him this "AT LEAST AKO YUNG KULAY KO LANG ANG PANGIT, EH IKAW, YUNG MUKA MO! SHREK!!!"
I am dark skinned, I struggled with this issue all my life and I am sick of it. I grew up around fair people... you know how that made me feel? Special as fuck. I was harshly criticized, ignored, ridiculed, and teased all the fucking time. Things in my childhood affected my self-esteem. I don't think I am likeable, or pretty. Even when given positive information, I still see the negatives in myself. It becomes a never-ending cycle. My grandparents always stressed self value and right to opinions. There were some awkward developmental years that made me weak enough to compare myself to everything (lighter girls included) but I had no intention of jumping in a vat of bleach so why dwell and trouble myself with. I heard lil wayne say he doesn't like dark skinned ladies, that's cool. I still hop around like a coon to some of his music. Black girls are ugly you say? Ah, you think so?
I felt better after what I said to him, but at the same time the memories came back. It keeps on haunting me. So I cried. I cried so hard that I swear to God, I will not be talking to him ever again. It wasn't the first time he insulted me. To him, insulting people is his way to feel good about himself. Come to think of it, siguro mas madami pa syang insecurities. I mean c'mon, if you think I'm ugly just because I am "maitim" what about you? Are you even gwapo? The joke's on you!
I have questions for you Shrek:
1. How does it feel to be this mean?
2. This makes you happy?
3. Why does insulting people make you happy?
4. Are you satisfied?
5. It must be so hard to stop what you are so good at,right?
6. It doesn't bother you that this is what you're known for?
And lastly, your mission's accomplished: I really feel bad now so you can move on. I'm just tired of you using me to feel good about yourself. Now go and bother someone else who cares.
PS: Calling you "SHREK" is actually an insult to Shrek. Shrek is peaceful and doesn't care to hurt anyone. SO I should think of something else to call you...hmmm... What about....
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